Excerpted from “Guerrillas of Grace” by Ted Loder
‘There Are Things I Do Care About’
There are things I care about
And some people I feel close to-
Families, friends, children
Most of all children.
I do care what happens to them
So, I do care about love,
And about being loved
And about loving (or trying to);
And I wonder about it,
How to do it and what makes me want to do it.
With those close to me,
I care about laughing,
And crying,
And learning,
And talking honestly
And fighting openly and fairly
And forgiving
And admitting I want to be forgiven
And need to be.
I care about my neighbors,
At least some of them,
Sometimes;
And about all the things that would make it better
And perhaps easier
For us to live together;
And the hard decisions and sacrifices
It would take for that to happen.
Which means I do care about justice,
Though mostly from a distance,
Because I care about what it might require of me
And then I get testy or silent
But am haunted by it
Because something in me
Won’t let me stop caring about it,
Even though I often wish I could.
So I care about my enemies,
And am tired of being angry
And suspicious so much,
Which is such a waste;
And I care about the least-
The hungry
And the sick
And the terrorized
And the exploited of the earth-
Because I care about peace
And long for it inside and out,
And I am weary of being afraid
For myself and the children.
I care about this tiny fragile blue planet,
This home, this mother earth and all her offspring,
All the creatures who share the mystery of life
And I really care about beauty,
About the songs in me,
The poems, the stories;
I care deeply about
The wondrous, puzzling,
Aching struggle
That I am;
I care this joy I feel
Flickering sometimes, flaring sometimes.
When I touch hands or eyes
Or minds or souls
And ache, then, for more.
I care about living –
Living more fully,
Abundantly-
And about my urgent longing for that;
I care about what makes me restless,
Makes me reach
And stretch
And grope for words,
For dreams,
For other people,
And….
For you.
Holy One, you,
I do care about you,
Sometimes fiercely,
Or I wouldn’t’ be stumbling along like this,
Trying to pray,
Trying to put myself in your way;
I care about you,
And such is my faith,
However faltering it is;
And I trust that, past words
You care about all these things
That I care about,
Care about them more,
Infinitely more
Than I care about them;
And that you care for me,
Even when I am careless
Of the things I care about.
~Caroline