The older I grow, the more I believe that along the spectrum of human endeavors, parenting wins top prize under the general category: most important task while being really hard and really worth it and really heart-expanding and heart-breaking and humbling and joyful and mind-blowing and awesome and fearful and amazing and exasperating and … and … and … and … all at once.
As a parent (and depending on the age of my children), I have experienced a full range of human emotions. And, if I am being both honest and self-aware/self-reflective — with the exception of being a spouse — there is nothing quite like being a parent that offers a mirror or window into my own soul: its mountains and valleys; what is healed and what is whole; what aches and what still lies broken, lingering, beneath the surface.
What do I really believe? What do I hope for? What do I fear? Does this show up, in how I parent? Sure it does.
Also true is that as I grow older, I gain a deeper understanding of my relationship with my own parents. With this understanding comes greater compassion, both for myself and for them.
Revelations sometimes come when we least expect them; when, for some inexplicable reason, “the veil of the temple is torn in two”, and the fog, for a moment, lifts.
Here is one that was given to me, on a walk by a stream last spring. I share it today in the hope that it might speak to you in some meaningful, life-giving way.
Love,
Cristina
Revelation by A Stream
it was three days
after
she had surrendered
her spirit
(and)
i was walking
by the side
of a stream
i am sorry
it was so hard
i whispered
so much
of the time
between us
(then)
in the silence
i heard
her say
my child
i gave you
all the apples
i had
to give you
it turns out
you needed oranges
as well
if i
had had
oranges
i would have given them
to you
too
i gave you
all the apples
i had
***
my heart
once heavy
softened
becoming
light